Turns out I am a racist
As much as I prefer to see myself as wonderful, without any type of fault and all that hoo hah, like we all do, I must embrace (before I can cleanse myself) of my own racism. The events in Ferguson, Missouri should force all whites in this country to face honestly the reality of white privilege and the legacy of slavery that we carry in our DNA. It is the only way forward to a future where racism is eradicated from our culture. We cannot look at that cop in Ferguson and condemn him if we don't see the racist fueled fear, that caused him to kill an unarmed African American young man, in ourselves. Whether that young man stole something from a store or not is irrelevant. His story is for someone else's telling. The story lies for me and for all whites in the moment that the white cop pulled the trigger. The story lies in the crazy extreme overreaction by the police force to the protesters. It was all fear fueled by racism. So that leads me to have to admit, with shame and humility, that I don't know if I were in that police officer's place if I would have reacted the same or differently. Because I know, without a doubt, that I carry all of that poison that is the legacy of slavery in this country in my blood and bones. I know it as well as I know I am sitting here typing. I wish it were not that way, but it is.
Let me tell you a story about myself that illustrates the point I am trying to make. Only just a few years ago I was at the Boise airport. I was looking to check my luggage and there was no one out in front to do it. Well, I am looking around and out the front door comes this African American man. I said, "Oh, are you the luggage check guy?" Just as innocent as could be. He just looked at me and said, "No, I'm not". But he had the most hurt and sort of bewildered look on his face. I didn't say anything, except,"oh, I'm sorry" or something like that. He walked on and I walked on in our own worlds. I was dumbfounded by that moment. But I have not forgotten it and never will. To me it was like the spontaneous unconscious expression almost projectile vomiting of the racism that I carry within me. There was no excuse for what I did, period. I was too humiliated to walk up to this man and say, Oh, Jesus, I am so sorry. Please forgive me or something. What I'm trying to say here, is if that could come out of me so spontaneously and with so little thought, what else is in there? I know someone out there is going to want to let me off the hook. It might be someone of color who might want to tell me I'm being to hard on myself. Or some white person who wants to tell me that "my ancestors weren't even here during slavery days". But I don't want to be let off the hook and nor should any other white person in this country. It is a form of malignant collective denial that any white person in this country should be let off this particular hook. And I'm not beating myself up either. I am just acknowledging a truth. That is the truth that all of us here are poisoned by racism and we all must participate personally and publicly to eradicate this from our collective unconscious. All.
Photo by Steve, taken on Cape Cod
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